I don’t feel like writing..

In a small square shaped bedroom, completely crammed with furniture just as in every house of a middle-class family, lies my laptop work desk. Its pushed up to a corner-wall making the south-east corner of the room. I sit facing south, the sun, though not visible from here, is slowly being lured out of the horizon. I have been sitting here for more then 1 hour now and the surroundings have changed drastically, both in brightness and pleasantness. It was bright, pleasant just a moment ago and now its all lump and glum with zero visibility and if this happens when you are in a good mood, not that i was in one, i bet that it would be very tough to hang onto the good spirits. I sit before the laptop, running my fingers on all the keys, unable to press any due to some unknown apprehension. I wasn’t even ready to get up from the chair and switch on the light and get rid of the feeling. I was staring into this dashboard on wordpress.com bluntly, lost in thought, none mildly clear. Then i make up my mind and stood up pushing my chair back, unknowingly with extra force, making it fall. Apprehension? nervous? but why!. I sighed and walked to the switchboard and turned on the light. I turned and looked at the laptop screen, i knew that the damage has been done.

I don’t feel like writing now. It is not like fear of something but i guess it was something related to my heart and the silence that is forced onto it all day. all week. This week has been as usual but with one exception, a very very happy moment and then followed by a silence that is testing every molecule that makes up my body and every pure,true,good thought and feeling that make up my soul. And this will be so, for at least 3 days more, i see.

I don’t feel like writing but writing this was very tough because it is almost 7pm now. 1 very very long hour it took to give a try at resuming my writing but i know that i failed. If i read this after posting, i would definitely know that i wrote it without feeling like writing.

But i won’t accuse the sunset or anyone or anything else for this. It was my mistake in the first place to not to put a light on early, but saying truth, it was very tough and it is now.


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