Mine Self-Exile – Haiku #3


O’ thee, have hope,

thy deserted heart shall be a fortress once more,

even if it is through mine self-exile.

————————————————————————————

meaning:

my love, you, please have hope

your pained heart, which has been left by your loved one(s), will be a happy place again,

even if the effort means a self-exile for me, i will do it to see you happy once more.

————————————————————————————————————————–

.

This post is an entry in Haiku Challenge for April 2012 at Haiku Heights. The prompt being “deserted”.

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15 thoughts on “Mine Self-Exile – Haiku #3

    1. Sarab, thank you.. 🙂

      im smiling..
      i promise, that after another 3-4 haiku, i would get mine right according to the rules.

      but for improvement, would you just break this poem into syllables too, and write the numbers beside.. or just the numbers.. i want to know..coz i learnt a bit about them, but im not sure about the accuracy of ‘my’ divisions of syllables. i surely want to folow by the haiku rules, that is the true challenge for me now..
      thank you..

      1. O’ thee, have hope-4
        thy deserted heart shall be a fortress once more,-12
        even if it is through mine self-exile.-10

        This one might be more difficult to change to 5-7-5, but I think you could definitely do it!
        Here’s my attempt to capture your thoughts in fewer syllables–I’m sure you could do better:
        Have hope, broken one
        Fortify your heart once more–
        Banish me away.

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