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Explain why you chose your blog’s title and what it means to you.

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “All About Me.”

Well, mine is a black and white heart, so there’s that.

I remember vaguely the time when I was contemplating on starting a blog to write down the multitude of feelings that I had a hard time accepting and living with. Not to mention the act of putting up a smile, when your mind and heart are raging and being torn apart, just so that you don’t show it in the face lest your family thinks there’s something wrong. The tides of emotions, the low ebb and the high ebb, they are all part of the experience of life for everyone, on a daily-basis for some, now I realized.

So, anyway, I remember trying to think up a catchy, and well, impressive name for my blog. I looked up at some of the well known blog names and thought, damn! I am never going to think up something that catchy. But I soon realized that’s not how I should be searching a name for my blog. I realized I should give my blog an honest name, even if it isn’t catchy, something that captures the big picture of my reason to write and the nature of the content I will be writing.

My favorite color has always been black, I cannot recall when or why it has become so. When I look at someone wearing a combination of black and white, or something(non-living thing) black and white like graphics on a car, I cannot help but appreciate how good black and white look together. That doesn’t mean that I’d like anything and everything that’s black and white. How would it look if someone was wearing glasses that has one rim in black and the other in white? I’d think that person has gone bonkers!

So, anyway, I wondered, white could also be my favorite color. but if I say that to someone who asked what my favorite color was, they would surely retort saying the answer must be only one color, since their question was “what is your favorite color?” not ‘colors’. 

I relate the color black to void and oblivion, because it kind of fits. Absence of all colors is black. And the combination of all colors is white. (Something that I never learned in my 16 years of education, and I have successfully become an engineer. I learned that thing about black and white when trying to pick up a color from the color picker tool in Photoshop). And I suspect the idea of ying-yang  and the symbol that found its place in my head during my childhood must have something to do with the reason I came up with this name for my blog. You see, I was going through so much during that time, I was in what it’s called an existential crisis. I allowed many, many existential questions to hover in my mind, they were like a constant buzz in the distance that didn’t go away. I wanted to know where that sound was coming from. It felt like it was neither possible to investigate about the origins of that buzz nor to ignore it and move on like its nothing. My heart was in a state of turmoil and my mind was showing no signs of wavering. I would never call it depression, that would be disrespect to my mind. Because I always thought, and still do, that such existential questions are essential, they give a reason for retrospection and introspection. I I am sure they are good things. They make us stop and think about our actions. We cannot be evil in the one life we have.

This all explain the ‘black and white’ part of the name. And I think the concept of heart is that we have souls, that we have another dimension to our mundane bodies. I like that, I like to believe that. And seeming that all I wanted to write were feelings that originated at heart, later to be developed, polished and proof-read by the brain, I thought it felt apt to name my blog black and white heart.

Even I am not convinced with the reasons I am giving for coming up with that name. But I am sure these played their little parts in influencing my choice of the blog name. And I think it’s a general logic. Every action we do, even if it is a spur-of-the-moment decision, there is something deep-rooted within our hearts and minds that silently prods us to act or decide like we eventually do.

And regarding the oblivion, I recently read The Fault In Our Stars and I liked what Hazel Grace says after Augustus Waters admits to being afraid of oblivion.

“There will come a time when all of us are dead. All of us. There will come a time when there are no human beings remaining to remember that anyone ever existed or that our species ever did anything. There will be no one left to remember Aristotle or Cleopatra, let alone you. Everything that we did and built and wrote and thought and discovered will be forgotten and all of this will have been for naught. Maybe that time is coming soon and maybe it is millions of years away, but even if we survive the collapse of our sun, we will not survive forever. There was time before organisms experienced consciousness, and there will be time after. And if the inevitability of human oblivion worries you, I encourage you to ignore it. God knows that’s what everyone else does.”  – John Green, The Fault In Our Stars.

But I cannot agree, although I wished if it were that simple. Sigh!

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