Sitting on the porch, an extrusion into the air at some 30 feet from the ground, i look at all the rain-wet plants around, some fully blossomed and some still a blush away from it. The greenery around definitely is conjuring its soothing aura, i drew up the canopy after i sensed the bleak aroma created by the mixture of the first rain drop and the soil – “let the plants drench in rain, it is the only natural thing, after sunlight,that i can offer them, after all i keep them all for myself”, i thought . I dropped back onto the chair that i drew up from the bedroom.
I slowly slipped into a reverie. of calm ? no, i fear not. Usually, under such soothing pleasantness around me, there can hardly be any issue that can overpower it but now, it was different somehow, I do not know why. I thought, if i close my eyes maybe this feeling of apprehension will melt down. I closed my eyes and in a flash of a second i thundered open them, gasping for air.
What was up with me now ? I always experienced this state of apprehensiveness, very frequently but never in such pleasant and serene atmosphere. No, i tried to convince myself it was just an off-the-track-mind that caused it, just stay cool. I looked around at my tender garden, as slow as i could, just for the selfishness that all that pleasant aura would get inside me and soothe me and get me out of this rippled state. I felt a bit calm soon, I smiled. Well, i need not go to a medic for every little issue with my body. I felt tranquil enough to forget the strange experience and once again closed my eyes.
This time, I jerked into a standing posture right away, eyes wide open. This is not good, i tried to calm myself just as i did a few moments ago. It din’t work this time, maybe my mind was too aware and too perceptive of what was happening inside me. I looked at my feet and the surface beneath them, and saw that i was on ground, standing on my two legs and not moving at all, not even at 1 millimeter/hour. But i am not convinced of it somehow, the fresh experience left me unsettled. I then reasoned myself, just a try at calming myself down, that just when i closed my eyes i felt something drag me into, into something like an abyss at some god-calculate-what speed. Now i understood what it was, it was a deep pain inside my heart. I was standing, on solid ground at zero speed and yet i felt as if i was being dragged into an abyss, that too at a breakneck speed, which is not quite possible and which suggests it was something else, something else inside me that was being dragged.
A routine, just more intense i guess. I closed my eyes, with all the feeling of apprehension gone for i knew what caused this and what i was feeling. It was pain and it was an experience i very well am pals with. I bid a temporary goodbye to my little garden, for i do not know when i would climb out of the abyss that i am going to be dragged into, but nevertheless it was just a temporary goodbye, for i have hope.
Eyes closed, the feeling resumed.
@ 120kmph, not god-calculate-what speed definitely because he din’t come up to me and do the math, so i put on some random number.