April Haiku Month, Day 25: Volcano


an active volcano . . .

anger redder than lava

my bewildered eyes

~ ~ ~

I have been writing haiku about the same thing for the past few days. This haiku shows the state I have been in for quite sometime now. #War. #WomenAbuse. #ChildAbuse. #Murder. #Rape. It is not that these are new, it is just that I fail each time I do or say something that increases my hope for a better tomorrow for everyone. Any news I see is taking a toll on me and I’m  having a hard time trying to not be lost in the pain. That is part of a reason why I have discontinued my AtoZ journey.

we owe women

I know a little Photoshop and I felt I would do something about trying to bring the change(starting with awareness) that we all are so looking for. It will be a long long time before we see any change towards good. Its not much, but I guess its something. If I can pull myself up from the heap I become into each day after going over what all happened, I would surely continue making campaign images related to #womenabuse. If you believe that some kind of change, no matter how small, can be made out of such a campaign like changing the mindset of people towards women, then please share this image on your social networks and blogs. Share it and say something about the atrocities against women. Because people got used to ‘shared’ images on Facebook  they see what others shared and they share and that it all. It is not generating the voices that we need to tackle the current problem.

Make you voice heard, lend your voice to your heart and cry out loud.

The most recent news I came across is that a newborn was sold on Facebook for Rs. 8 lakhs. Outrageous and heart-killing! I mean, with everything that is going on with the rape incidents, now this! What is INDIA doing? More importantly, WHAT ARE WE BECOMING? I won’t hide my sadness.

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April Haiku Month, Day 20: Rosemary


a five year old girl . . .

cheeks, innocent rosemary pink,

gets raped by neighbor

~ ~ ~

A 5 year old girl was raped in Delhi, India. I don’t have the strength to talk about the incident or the details but if it troubles you, here it is: A brutal and barbarous rape of a 5 year old. But I’d try to make sense nevertheless for I am, as always, not at peace.

The place where it happened is generally not important, because the abuse, assault, exploitation takes the precedence and rightly so. But ‘Delhi’ is the capital. and India is now ‘so much into’ these things that the place of incident is important next only to the victims themselves.
We, I, keep talking about faith and love for a nation all the time, think about it a lot. These are times when it is shaken. Rememeber what I said a few days back about boston bombing? i wantedly did not complete my opinion there, because i couldn’t take it as I was considering what it all meant. But now I see I held back for no reason. It is not only the ‘groups’ who believe in an ideal which are treat to the whole mankind, its f***ing every man in his own damn way!

I talk about faith, trust and love all the time. And these things stand to be important for every citizen of a country. Well, right now, all of that is shaken. It has never been ‘constant’ I must admit. I just tell myself, ‘maybe tomorrow’. But no, maybe I’d die being a fool who kept believing in change that never came.

click it for a better view, the text on the cards is blurred at this resolution.

With what people did after Nirbhaya incident, the protests and the calls for DEATH of the criminals, we have been seeing such things with little or no change in numbers. And consider the fact that all actual incidents of women exploitation don’t come to light, not get the media attention. Consider the suffering that we cannot see, that we cannot relate to because those stories are don’t come up.

India has always been a nation with great prospects for itself. Maybe we will end up only at that much, and never see a nation which changed itself into a true haven for humans. Of course, the world is no safe haven either. But with what India boasts about, we are a let down to ourselves. We are our own demise.

I don’t want people telling me not to lose hope, because you are not in my head and have not seen the world with my f***ing eyes. You only care when things happen.
“People need dramatic examples to shake them out of apathy” – I quote Batman again. If we are going to need ‘examples’ to make us think in the right way, at the current rate of our progress, the number of examples needed for men to change is equal to the total no. of women in this country, the newborns included.

Whenever I Act


i act

feelings buried deep inside,

like pearls in beach sand,

the water only wetting the surface,

people only see the mask.

it takes a true heart,

like an innocent kid,

stumbling upon the pearls while digging for pebbles,

to harvest one’s deepest vaults.

in search of one such soul,

like a turtle scouting every yard of sand,

looking for the most secure of places to give birth,

i walk the world, waiting for someone to rip off that mask.

some people are destined to wear a mask for eternity,

a part of me, ruled by fear, trembles and quivers at that thought.

~ ~ ~

NaPoWriMo

If Destiny Decides That I Be Alone (Poetry)


.

~ ~ ~


rush of emotions //
concern, love, care, anger, frustration //
too small a heart that is mine //
wants a shoulder to rest upon //
wants a hand to pat its back //
but all the emotions have made mine heart too hot //

click for high resolution image


that it is almost burning //
and everyone backed away //
forget hands patting my back //
i hardly hear anyone breathing close to me, distances as they are, grew //
and the one breath i hear is mine; one I hardly see any meaning in //
too harsh it would be, if i gave up //
too painful it is already, to carry on //


i said to myself,


” If destiny decides that I be alone, so be it. “


———

Tweet me at @sankarajayanth

———

And They Were Laughing Insensitively


I was on my college bus today when I heard a loud thud. I turned my head and looked at a 18-year old thumping his feet on the floor of the bus. He seemed upset. And angry. And sad. And tortured.

Two guys in the front seat were facing that guy and saying, “it’s okay. don’t get angry. it was for fun”.

I didn’t understand what was happening. And then the guy next to him told, “Those two guys were mocking his stuttering voice”.

Seriously, that guy was in tears. He has a stuttering voice, for heaven knows god is kind(sarcasm? yes).

I let out a deep sigh.

It was one thing to tease people about stupid stuff that they did. And it is another thing to mock and tease someone who is specially-abled. That too mocking that very thing that makes them special? Sick, insensitive and (almost) soulless.

I was angry. I will not add an adjective to let you understand how angry I am at those guys, because there simply is no such word I know of that could quantify my anger.

And I stared at them. I was sitting in the adjacent section of seats on the left, they were laughing.

Laughing. How insensitive one must be to mock someone like that and yet not feel one bit of guilt or remorse, not even when their mockery made an 18 year old boy cry.

I was sad too. It made me sad to think of how people like them continue to trample people emotionally as if it was their daddys’ job to tease, mock they inherited.

I let out a deep sigh again.

I told myself that I wouldn’t let my anger show. That I wouldn’t let my anger make me go shout in their faces that they must reconsider their way of living before growing up in size and masculinity. I remember how I loathed the same two guys a few weeks back when I had to sit next to them on the bus. They were talking crap about women and sex, girlfriends and groping. For all you need to know about me, I am a feminist. Now think what I would have gone through hearing that stuff. I wanted to bang their faces on rock.

But I stayed put. I gulped down everything because no one(family) wants me to get into fights, more so when the enemy is bad. And I am hardly the violent type. I am skinny, tall and unpleasantly always angry, thanks to people like these two guys that I easily spot in every corner of the world I live-in daily. I don’t know what my well wishers assume when they draw lines before me, stopping me from raising my voice against the bad. What it does though is I have to deal with more anger than there already is, that I am not allowed to try to right the wrong. But yeah, I understand their concerns too but nevertheless, I think I must be free to tell someone that he is hurting the world and that he needs to stop.

Anyway, I let go off everything and got down the bus at my place. The fact that this guy who was teased stopped crying and let out an angry growl. That convinced me that he would stay strong through this little but unacceptable ordeal.

I was happy, but not at peace.

None at all.

Lab Rats And Other Stupidities That Humans Are Obsessed With


You don’t need to fight over me;

Bound and blind, I belong to you all nevertheless.

None claimed me to be theirs;

Until you had blood of brothers to spill and rivals to fight against.

You wielded shrill, ill-speaking swords;

Cunning shields next, to shamelessly defend the sins of your swords and minds.

Kingship meant a blessing, to look after a nation and her subjects, with love;

Before the meaning was changed to betrayal in royal standards, as love turned into lust.

Kingdoms rose and fell;

And you never learned through time,

From those billions of chests that were wounded beyond repair in warfare.

While other beings flourished, ‘harmony’ strongly set as their evolution bond;

You brought doom upon yourself;

No, Upon me!

Swords gave way to ammo;

So did simple cruel kings to massive dictators;

But then, none saw what was to happen to you and to me.

Evil Leaders rose, colourful flags rose;

Shaking hands in the fore, crossing fingers in the back;

I endured all without speaking a word.

And when things seemed to be unacceptably beyond the limits;

I gave you warning;

I had to, even if they were harsh, but you never learned.

The sands of time is not all about the bad you;

Yes, there were good men and women who spoke from heart my concerns;

But failed to stand the might of the evil people and the fools that they made out of people.

Science and Technology, you said;

Injecting fluids, which mercilessly murdered trillions of lab rats;

Advancement of medical science, you said. Traitors!

None spoke of love for me;

All you wanted was lustrous gold and regal marble graves;

But now;

When you see that I am about to crumble into oblivion;

Which surely means the end of you too;

You speak of love for nature.

Enough! don’t fight over me;

I have let the reigns of future to be in your hands for too long;

I take over now;

Even if you take me to be rude.

For, mother I am to you all;

I forgive you even today.

CHANGE.

What Convinces You Not To ‘Give Up’ ?


would anyone believe if they were told that breathing peacefully becomes so hard,
that you might just wish you could just quit, quit to breathe and to have concern for,

would anyone believe if they were told that holding onto the dear heart becomes so painful,
that you might just wish you were just as lifeless as rock, rock that bears weight of so many feet daily,

would anyone believe if they were told that trying to be selfless becomes so soul-quenching,
that you might just wish your parents have brought you up with no sympathy and empathy for others,

would anyone believe if they were told that trying to be an extrovert, for the sake of others, becomes so torturous,
that you might just wish you too were an extrovert, who gives so much importance to talking crap (not all extroverts) that having or asking for solitude is considered a sin,

would anyone believe if they were told that being utterly good in this society will only result in you needing to take so many abuses,
that you might just wish you were just as bad as others.

you might just wish you were otherwise,
when things that you believe in,
when things that you love,
when things that are truth,
are questioned and you cannot help answer them,
though it has nothing to do with you having the answers or not.

those moments when you feel like “i wish i was otherwise” are those moments which i feel make someone weak and make them “give up” on what they are.
you just cannot wish you would be otherwise just because you are having a troubled life even while you are leading life along good principles.

well, that is a choice though.
to give up,
and not to.

and when the question does pop up in your mind,
and for good, you choose not to give up,
then friend, i warmly warn you,
tougher tides lie ahead.

Innocence Will…


at young age, innocence helps and changes all life to become a very good nurtured one, taking us in the right path.
at teenage+, innocence hurts, blinds and again hurts.


what is innocence here?
things like “all people are good.none want to cause me or my people harm”, “he talks so much good, he is definitely good”, “a nerd is the best guy/girl one can love”, “not knowing the world and it’s ways”.
this innocence will hurt many, mostly women. ‘coz men cheat, plunder their innocent energies and minds. stop it ****** bastards X-(


But also,
some knowledge is enlightening,
some knowledge is embarrassing,
but know we must about the entire knowledge,
yet, choose the right and the best one to take us forward,
though many fail at the “choose” step.

If I Am Gifted, Then I Loathe Myself (Above only to God)…


a2-b2 = (a+b)(a-b),
if i can learn this formula with one glimpse of it,
when others take 100-1000 recitations to master it,

and if that is called being gifted,
then damn, i loathe myself,
and i loathe god for doing it to me,
to put me above others,
and to force us into living with it.
unfair.

but i am proud of my choice. I defy god. If he could only see what i feel about all this, he would never dare to do something like this again.

P.S : This is just one of many such ‘gifted’ things, as they are called, which ruin lives than making them better. And i stand by it as hard as a rock against the sea’s constant threatening tides, just because the rock knows it has not chosen to be on the tide’s path. And if the tide thinks it was the rock’s choice to stand in it’s way, then the tide misunderstood the reality. Or should i say, God let the tide misunderstand the rock or to be exact, the reality. We are fools if we don’t see the truth. I am none who takes pleasure in being gifted. I counter question the simple ‘logic’ of being gifted. Who’s work it is? Who’s work it is to put lives of a few at the mercy of others, by birth that is. Just like this one?

These are questions one can understand only if he
1> is willing to spend time thinking of these ‘trivial’ matters
2> actually implements it
3> is willing to accept what ever truth that is waiting to be found
4> stands by the truth rather than wear a mask that would make his living safe and easy

As for the answers, well! God hid many things, We ourselves hid many things too. So, simply, its not easy.

i agree that pain,love,sadness and happiness are all equal proportions of life,
but damn the unfair proportions, right from birth. not for all though but for a good number and i choose to question the entire being of god for those few. be it people or animals or something else. God needs to answer me, for i talk of those who question him, for every unfair thing he created. I would do my bit to undo it, help the reality. But nevertheless, i won’t loosen the grip on his collar.

If this example was not clear enough, then i will clear the air with this arrow to your heart, Humans!

I am born with all limbs and senses working well,
Many in the world are not so lucky though,

what do u call it?

I am gifted?
Or they are cursed?

By choosing the first one, i did a favor to God. What the favor is? you ask?
You should understand,

being partial by gifting someone is a bit better than
being partial by cursing someone. (though both are a treason god made!)

and all this is naught but pure reality of time if there is no god at all.

I could easily say that it is the second thing, though that is what it really is. But i want people to know it. realize it. For that, i choose the first and thus i did god an unlikely favor. Protecting him from a mass rebuttal due to sudden realization. my choice would make things slow, realization slow. humans will start to ponder, rather than blindly believe just as they do now.

If some God believers felt offended, go tell it to god. ask it to yourself first, the second example i gave. After questioning the self, if pain doesn’t form a rock in your mouth, and if pain doesn’t form wound in your heart, and if pain doesn’t form lava in your stomach, then you are living a life that really is a not a life.

Mirror Never Surprises Me…


I walk to the long, rectangle, vertical mirror mounted onto the half-door of the shelf beside my bed.

I look into it. And guess who i see? Myself!

Not unlike many, who change through years, realizing not how cruel they is becoming, how selfish they is becoming, how lustful they is becoming, how insane they is becoming.

I guess, they find a monster when they look into a mirror.

at least, that reflection will make a few realize what they are becoming.

but maybe, they changed too much that the monster in the mirror actually looks like a magnanimous king clad in finest jewellery made of rarest jewels.

NOTE : this “seeing oneself in a mirror and finding a monster” is actually a one line theme i read in xcalamityjenx‘s blog : insomnia tea party
. i liked that.

‘Is It So ?’, A Question To Self…


is it so tough to face someone who is being nice,
turning away briskly with such pace.

is it so hard to learn good,
tireless walk in search of someone who would take in the good, without me mocking under a hood.

is it so uncommon to shed a tear for no selfish reason,
agony and pain for the world’s committed treason.

is it so unwelcome, my reassuring pat on the back,
simple show of enormous care, colored white and black.

is it so outlandish to listen to old melodies,
they are pure and true even in lyric, not unlike present ones filled with venom of lust and fake, more like dummies.

is it so fiendish,
to share your pain without knowing what you wish.

is it so selfish,
to ask you to believe me, the one with the truth, when i say ” ‘what you think is true’ is actually rubbish “.

is it so painful,
to allow someone else to meddle with old memories remaining bashful.

is it so easy to misunderstand,
the help and kindness someone, who doesn’t expect something in return, offers to heal you without need of a magic wand.