Silence Is Not Trivial

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everyday i put others before me,
tiring, enduring, all in silence and always trying not to show the weariness on my face,

sometimes it is too much,
breaking point is reached, and i break,

you see me break and you loath me for not standing strong for you,
that hurts,

though in humility i live, i hoped you would understand my silence one notch more,
so that you give me enough time to get back to the routine- everyday i put others before me, tiring, enduring, all in silence and always trying not to show the weariness on my face

– before judging me as too weak to stand for you,

silence doesn’t mean i don’t love. it means i love so much that i prefer to hurt myself being silent than hurt others by talking.
silence doesn’t mean i am not happy. it is my way of saying “i am happy for you. and i indeed am smiling. more on the inside.”
silence doesn’t mean i am not angry. it means i fight my anger in my own self.
silence doesn’t mean i am not in pain. i can wail and grieve over my wounds out loud, but i din’t choose it.
silence. it tells what many words can never ever explain.

i hoped you’d try to understand my silence one more notch.

~ ~ ~

yes, silence sometimes hurts.

but counting the number of times it takes the hurt unto itself, i think you could ease the rope around my neck.

and it hurts to know that my silence hurts you,

but i always am silent for a wiser reason. because i put others before myself.

just when i see myself grow wise, noticeably,

situations close in on, pushing me into ‘regret’.

wish i stayed less wise.

i do not know if i would say that tomorrow, but right now, i really wish i was less wise and more fool.

~ ~ ~

Silence is my language and will always be.

I don’t have the strength to talk and say things. So, i, for you, wish some freak accident befalls me and changes me into that,
Into what ever you wanted me to be.

~ ~ ~

A part of one’s wisdom lies in understanding the silence.
There are always silent “hellos” and silent “goodbyes”.

A new born baby wont understand our blah blah, smile at him and he knows we are saying “hello”.
A friend blinks, empty eyes, sober face and then turns away. It tells you he/she has to leave though she doesn’t want to.

If one cannot decipher these, we would always end up misjudging the other one.

And there is so much of true and pure love in these little, silent moments,
where tears, smiles, empty eyes, all in silence, speak of love. true and pure.

~ ~ ~

I am a teenager.
People have a basic image of an average teenager.
I am not even close to it.
The time i spend in silence itself shows why.

~ ~ ~

why would someone so young rut so much over something that is so ‘trivial’ for the world.
don’t make me feel worse by saying, “because he is insane”.

~ ~ ~

One thing i can tell, everywhere in this post where ever i used an ‘i’, there could easily be a ‘you’ there.
because everyone experiences time where they cannot speak because of the multitude of high emotions running inside,
but it happens more often with me.
and i can hardly help myself.

~ ~ ~